Been seeing it about four months now, and it's the most "quotable" series EVER...
(live audience scene):
Peele: What I often do.. I take note of things my girl dose wrong, and call her on it at the right times.
Key: (pretending to be the girl) Jordon, why'd 당신 leave the toilet 좌석 up?
Peele: 암캐, 암 캐 WHY WAS 당신 LATE LAST NIGHT, AND I DIDN'T SAY NOTHING!?
(live audience scene):
Girl in audience: (laughing too hard)
Key: Ma'am... Breath.
Key: (texting angrily) do 당신 even WANT to hang out!?
Peele: (texting calmly) Like I said whatever.
Key: (reading text) Like I said whatever!?.. FUCK THIS GUY!!
Peele: (as girl character) 당신 are LITERARY an asshole!
Key: I can't be LITERARY an asshole! I have legs, and a body!
(to live audience)
Key: In movies.. In every group of 3 white friends, they always has to be the "black best friend".
Peele: Yes, and the lines are always the same.. (names several lines I forget what they are).
Key: There's also..
Both: Oh Hell's no!..
Peele: Yes, and they always say the moral at the end.. "Guess 당신 learned the true meaning of (insert here)"
Key: Come on guys... Not "every" black dude is "wise" and "reasonable".
(to live audience)
Key: I heard a line 의해 Mel Gibson.. He said "I hope 당신 get rapped 의해 a pack of niggers!"... a PACK!?
Peele: Yes. He is the most racist man in the world.
Key: If he said a pack of.. African americans... It is NOT better..
Peele: (telling joke) So there's this girl.
Key: uh huh?
Peele: and she goes to her doctor.
Peele: And asks him.. Will 당신 have 키스 with me?
Key: (bursts into laughter).
Peele: No.. That wasn't the joke.. It was just the build up.
Key: (laughs even harder).
Peele: (trying to shout over Keagan's laughter) She asks that.. And he says, no that would be unprofessional.
Key: Unprofessional. HAWHAWHAWHAW!!
Peele: Still not the 펀치 line.
Key: (laughing anyway).
Peele: (over the laughter) SHE ASKS HIM AGAIN.. HE SAYS.. I SUDDEN'T EVEN HAVE SEX WITH 당신 WAIT NOW.
Key: (falls silent, despite this having been the 펀치 line)... Then what?
Peele: Guess.. She sues him.
Key: (laughs loudly).
Killer: I will cover 당신 in gasoline and set 당신 on FIRE!!
Peele: Funny 당신 should say that.. I'm getting pretty cold in here.
(the duo wake up in the SAW bathroom).
Key: ... Not so bad.
Peele: Yes, it's all about prospective, at least I'm alive.
Key: Yeah, there's sort of a positive in having no opinions, we know we won't escape so we won't even try.
Peele: Plus.. All this time away from my phone.. My lap top.. I feel unplugged..
Key: And 당신 know what else.. (his arm is cut off) Don't miss the arm... I'm a lefty anyway.
(to live audience).
Key: We black people, avoid ANYTHING supernatural.
Peele: (pretending to be a magician) Pick a card.
Key: OH HELL'S NO! 당신 A DEMON! (walks off),
Peele: I said biiiiiiiiitch!
Peele: FUCK STEVE!
Key: 당신 WILL FUCK STEVE'S DICK IF HE ASKS 당신 TOO! 당신 WILL SUCK HIS FUCKIN DICK! HE IS OUR 빵 AND 버터 당신 MOTHER FUCKER!.. I AM HIGH ON COCAINE!
Peele: I'M A FUCKIN ACTOR!.. I DID 더 많이 COCAINE THAN 당신 WEITH MOTHERFUCKER!!
Key: (as news reporter) This just in.. Little baby susie is still missing.. Help us lo- What's that? They found her? She's fine? Well FUCK ME!! (throws something in anger).
Key: (as detective) We KNOW 당신 killed her.. 당신 have a song about it.
Peele: (as rapper) ... It's just words man.
Key: (as detective) The NAME of the album! Is "I killed (the victims name)!".. And look at the cover.. It's 당신 standing over her body, holding the gun we found at the scene!
key: (as idiot guard) BREAKING HIM OUT HERE!
Peele: (prisoner) Don't shout.. (sarcastically) may as well pull the alarm.
Key: Good idea.. (pulls the alarm).
Key:: Roommate meeting... Roommate meeting!
Peele: Gogo, what the hell? I've got a hangover!
Key: I don't give a fuck about your hangover, okay Brendan? I want a roommate meeting, and I want it now! Okay... Now, somebody's been taking shit out of the refrigerator and throwing it on the ground, and it's pissing me off.
Guy: Is this another one of your stupid pranks, Jonald?
Jonald: No.. And YOUR pranks are stupid.
Is it you, Monday?
Jonald: (scary ghost behind them) I said, somebody's been taking shit out of the fridge and throwing it on the fuckin ground! And I want to know who it is, because it's not funny!
Key: (the ghost behind is closer) Well, what I want to know is, who keeps pulling the sheets off my 침대 and hanging them from the ceiling 팬 at night? Was that you, Monday?
Key: (ghost is closer) Have 당신 been taking everybody's sheets off them in the night and hanging them from the ceiling fans?
Monday: What? No.
Key: (ghost is closer) Well, clearly, someone's been doing that! (glass shatters obviously from the ghost they aren't aware of) Whoa! Who did that? Peele: (the ghost is still behind them) Yeah! who the fuck just did that!? Which one of 당신 just threw that bottle?
Guy: What are we even talking about right now? Key: Did 당신 fucking throw that bottle, Jonald? Jonald: No, Gogo! fuck you! I didn't throw it!
Key: Well, did 당신 fucking throw that bottle, Brendon?
Jonald: Yeah! 당신 WOULD do that, Brendon.
Peele: Dude, no! I didn't throw the bottle!
Key: (ghost is inches away from them) Well, somebody threw that fucking bottle, and you're the one who drew dicks on everyone's forehead!
Guy: Yeah, 당신 did do that!
Peele: (ghost is touching him) But dicks are hilarious, though!
Guy: This is just destructive! What about you, Monday? Did 당신 throw that bottle?
Ghost: (low growl).
Monday: What bottle?
Key: The fuckiing bottle, dude! It just smashed against the wall, and 당신 even said some shit about it!
Monday: Well, I didn't throw a bottle.
Key: Well, obviously, it wasn't Ping. He's got the best grades in the house.
Possesed guy: (hisses)
Key: Good point, Ping.
Killer: Hey.. 당신 ladies want to see Channing Tatum?
Key and Peele: (dressed as girls). OH MY GOD! (they crawl in the van),
Peele: Where are 당신 Channing?
Key: (happily) Is that a hawksaw?
Key: IT'S GONNA BE A FUCKIN 거리 FIGHT!!
Peele: 당신 WILL RESPECT ME! 당신 LITTLE SHIT!!
Both: We put the pussy of the train wails!!