The Chick Code
기사 1: Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are 더 많이 willing and able to commit than men. Unfortunate for our 사랑 lives, but true.
기사 2: A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!"-ing.
기사 3: A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not even that reason. (Note: if 당신 a man 읽기 this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so many big words. Second, I urge 당신 to look at this document for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe 또는 adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.** Oh, and have 당신 been working out?)
기사 4: A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room, etc. 당신 may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should 당신 stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.
기사 5: A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.
기사 6: Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.
기사 7: A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.
기사 8: A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For 더 많이 effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to 옮기기 your massive 침상, 소파 and California king) 버터 him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even 더 많이 effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little 또는 "unintentionally" show off your assets while buttering him up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.
기사 9: On 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 dates, do not eat like a pig, but do not be peck-ish either. When 디저트 rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking something off your finger(s) 또는 the underside of your utensil works most effectively.
기사 10: A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known 또는 rumored creeps.
기사 11: A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Exception: your Side-Chick is pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, 또는 married).
기사 12: If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude.
기사 13: A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk 또는 under the pretense of being drunk.
기사 14: A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idoland Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; who the new "It" couple is; who the 상단, 맨 위로 celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.
기사 15: A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming***, are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (yes, that kind of inappropriate).
기사 16: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hot!" Should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay 의해 the Chick with the brother.
기사 17: A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but 더 많이 the point, because they can totally kick your 나귀, 엉덩이 when 당신 코멘트 on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them 또는 their tragic haircut.
기사 18: A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with the hot BF doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the BF in any way, shape, 또는 form.
기사 19: Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.
기사 20: There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick 또는 "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.
기사 21: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.
기사 22: If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. (See 기사 38 for a 설명 of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur).
기사 23: If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.
기사 24: A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a "tramp stamp."
기사 25: A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, 또는 (sometimes) a concert.
기사 26: A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.
기사 27: If two Chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall 스플릿, 분할 a tub of 팝콘 to save money. However, the act of sharing a drink must be decided betwixt the Chicks due to personal levels of awkwardness and/or germaphobia.
기사 28: A Chick comparison shops.
기사 29: When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.
기사 30: When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the 다음 stall when 당신 find that the stall 당신 chose has no toilet paper (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.
기사 32: When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her BF, then 코멘트 on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the BF's reaction 코멘트 (aka catching him staring at her breasts – but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).
기사 33: A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)
기사 34: Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, 또는 attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, 또는 "No-No Square." Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is not suggested, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.
기사 35: When a Chick exchanges information with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" ritual guys do.
기사 36: Should a Chick be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. (They shall also throw her a kick 나귀, 엉덩이 bachelorette party).
기사 37: A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).
기사 38: Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, 또는 light 나귀, 엉덩이 smack, but not a 키스 on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians/bisexuals.
기사 39: A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.
기사 40: A Chick may never take off 또는 옮기기 around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her 상단, 맨 위로 is acceptable.
기사 41: A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not prohibited.
기사 42: If a Chick is seated 다음 to another Chick who's stuck in the middle 좌석 on an aircraft, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up 더 많이 than once to use the lavatory.
기사 43: A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) 또는 risky party game (i.e. Truth 또는 Dare, Seven 분 in Heaven, Would 당신 Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).
기사 44: When asked, "Do 당신 need some help?" 의해 a super hot guy, a Chick always replies yes, whether 또는 not she's really got it.
기사 45: If a Chick should accidentally boob 또는 butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob 또는 butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush (unless it was on purpose, in which then she may act however sexually alluring she feels is appropriate).
기사 46: A Chick checks out another Chick's blind 날짜 and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind 날짜 is obligated to still go on the 날짜 and give the guy a chance even if the 신고 is bad.
기사 47: A Chick is required to remember birthdays and anniversaries.
기사 48: Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night. We are ladies, and ladies are hygienic.
기사 49: A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation 일 (February 13th).
기사 50: A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless said clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or extremely special to the owning Chick.
기사 51: A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Dude/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1 in favor of the Chicks. However, so not to create Chicklandia****, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks.
기사 52: A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.
기사 53: A Chick always shaves/waxes her legs, armpits, eyebrows (if need be), and "down there." Exception: butch lesbians, Chicks too uncomfortable 또는 sensitive, 또는 Chicks who are making a statement 의해 not doing it.
기사 54: A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).
기사 55: A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.
기사 56: A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, 또는 other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because 당신 knowthat the significant other had forgotten.
기사 57: In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.
기사 58: A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. (This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made 의해 the pregnant Chick).
기사 59: In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the gas and lodging. Bad things, like car sickness 또는 post-Taco 벨 potty breaks, willbe blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip, therefore she must be responsible for both the aforementioned expenses.
기사 60: A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas andcheap beer.
기사 61: A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk 또는 get drunk.
기사 62: Should 당신 know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she must tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.
기사 63: A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up – both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general wellbeing, and offer to help her with her luggage
기사 64: Chicks are strongest in three's and four's. Can't explain it, but so true
기사 65: A Chick always spell-checks.
기사 66: When a group of Chicks are in a restaurant, each shall pay for what they ate. (This is because it eliminates the time-wasting "bill jockeying" and it is very fair
기사 67: Yellow stoplights are an option – either slow down and accept the red light, 또는 speed up and get across while 당신 can.
기사 68: A Chick must never ever get her vagina pierced.
기사 69: Duh.
기사 70: A Chick can always be honest to a guy about their occupation (because she knows that he'll imagine it as a sexual role play no matter what it is).
기사 71: A Chick reserves the right to be a bit miffed should her BF act differently toward her around his Bros, but will only confront him when the Bros have all gone away. Because Chicks are courteous.
기사 72: Chicks may always snuggle, cuddle, and spoon.
기사 73: A Chick shall never Cock Block***** her Side-Chick(s). Exception: he's a known 또는 rumored creep, 또는 it's known that he's taken.
기사 74: At a wedding, a Chick shall be excited about the bouquet catch, even if she isn't, for the sake of the bride.
기사 75: Chicks are not dolls, toys, 또는 experiments. Hazing is absolutely unacceptable.
기사 76: A Chick always puts the toilet 좌석 back down – we are ladies.
기사 77: If two Chicks get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, she is expected to take it back, apologize, and make amends. Otherwise the offended Chick reserves the right to never speak to the out-of-line-Chick again.
기사 78: Though it is not strictly prohibited, mixing it up romantically with a coworker is not suggested. (Seeing each other all the time at work after a break up? Awkward...)
ARCTICLE 79: If a Chick buys a new car, she is required to accessorize it immediately.
기사 81: A Chick shall accessorize. Period. Nuff said. 기사 69.
기사 82: A Chick never 질문 another Chick's stated amount of shoes, calories she's eaten that day, 또는 how many times she's dyed her hair.
기사 83: If a Chick, for whatever reason, must drive another Chick's car, she may adjust the mirrors and 좌석 position, but put it back to the way it was before giving it back. A Chick must not let anything impair her driving.
기사 84: A Chick does not work in the kitchen, nor does she make/bring her man a sandwich. Exception: she's a chef.
기사 85: A Chick always brings over a bottle of wine when invited to an event at someone's house. Exception: under the age of 21 (USA).
기사 86: A Chick must not, under any circumstances, become like her mother.
기사 87: Chicks shall swear off men at least once a year, for the sake of feminism, 또는 because of douche bags.
기사 88: Chick will call her BF "cute" 또는 "adorable" once in front of his Bros just for fun, then promise never to do it again…when he's around. ;)
기사 89: Asking for directions, maps, GPS... it doesn't matter, okay? Do whatever will help 당신 get to your destination.
기사 90: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Chick may text (etc.), regardless of whether 또는 not her state has made that illegal.
기사 91: If a Chick asks another Chick to keep a secret, she shall take it to her grave and beyond. Yes, this will be very difficult since the human race is a very social species and she might feel the exploding need to spill the beans 또는 gossip, but she shan't because 프렌즈 are 더 많이 important than having the latest scoop. Exception: if she 또는 anyone else is in danger.
기사 92: A Chick shall take great care in selecting her outfit for any occasion.
기사 93: A Chick never wears 크리스마스 색깔 (red and green) when it's not 크리스마스 time. Same goes for 할로윈 색깔 (orange and black), and Independence 일 색깔 (red, white, and blue).
기사 94: The father and/or stepfather of a Chick is always off-limits.
기사 95: If a Chick is not invited to another Chick's wedding, she doesn't make a huge deal out of it, even if, let's face it, she was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No biggie. (Talking discreetly behind the bride's back may work, if she truly feels the need to make a semi-big deal out of it).
기사 96: A Chick never lets another Chick look like trash. Exception: the other Chick is a frenemy/enemy.
기사 97: If a Chick forgets another Chick's name, somehow devise a plan to learn her name without actually asking her.
기사 98: When Chicks attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall wave, point, blow kisses, and/or hide her face.
기사 99: If a guy orders a Chick a drink, the Chick shall use gestures to thank him for the drink, then ask the bar tender if he knows if the drink-sender is a decent guy.
기사 100: If a Chick discovers another Chick has forgotten to sign out of her email, the Chick shall respectfully sign out for her without peeking at anything.
기사 101: Should a Girl Power song come on, a Chick is expected, at the very least, to shriek about how much she loves that song.
기사 102: Should a Chick need to bunk at another Chick's house for an extended period of time, she is expected to help pay for food, toiletries, and any delivered movie-rentals.
기사 103: If a Chick finds a "clothing optional" beach, and it's not in Europe, then it is not suggested that she attend.
기사 104: A Chick never willingly relinquishes possession of her cell phone. Should another Chick snatch it from her, then the offended Chick reserves the right to be very angry and possibly mildly harm the theiving Chick in order to retrieve her cell phone.
기사 105: A Chick must, at the very least, attempt not to drink in front of a recovering alcoholic.
기사 106: Chicks must always wear sunscreen.
기사 107: If a Chick owns a convertible, she is required to, during warm days/months/seasons, have the 상단, 맨 위로 off, let her hair loose, and wear sunglasses.
기사 108: A Chick reserves the right to be hyper.
기사 109: A Chick lets guys win half the time. (Enough so that he doesn't get bitter, enough so that she'll still feel good about herself).
기사 110: When driving with a friend following, a Chick always makes sure that she is in sight of the friend.
기사 111: A Chick shall always help another Chick reconstruct the events from the 이전 night.
기사 112: If a Chick lends another Chick a DVD, 기사 of clothing, CD, 또는 anything else, she shall expect to get it back and will hold it against the borrowing Chick in the occurrence of an argument.
ARTIVLE 113: A Chick shall not hitchhike anywhere ever.
기사 114: Chicks do not fart.
기사 115: When hosting, a Chick makes sure that her BF hasn't messed with anything. If he has, then she must fix it immediately.
기사 116: Getting kneed in the crotch hurts Chicks, too.
기사 117: A Chick reserves the right to simply walk away after the first five 분 of a date. This is the "Lemon Law" and 당신 can find cut outs of it in the fabled "Bro Code" (see 기사 118).
기사 118: Yes, it's true – guys really do have their own Code, much like this document. But it is full of sexist text, and obviously the author was thinking from his crotch and not his brain. As a Chick, it is our vagina-given right to frown upon The Bro Codeand those who actually live 의해 it. [A/N: I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself and cracked up all over the place as I wrote this. It, of course, is a lie – theBro Codeis hilarious and awesome, and Barney Stinsen is the King.]
기사 119: A Chick must get a mani/pedi/facial/massage about every two months to ensure a happy and healthy body.
기사 120: A Chick shall seek no revenge if she passes out around her Side-Chicks and wakes up to find that they've pulled numerous pranks on her sleeping form (i.e. marker all over her face, the hot water trick, the shaving cream trick, etc).
기사 121: Chicks care about the environment.
기사 122: Chicks care about animals. (And not in the "I wonder which one is 'in' right now" way, but in the very humane, loving, and non-clothes way).
기사 123: A Chick never sleeps nude while bunings with someone else. Exception: sex with the one(s) you're bunking with.
기사 124: If a Chick sees one of her Side-Chicks get into a fight, she attempts to rip the fighters away from each other.
기사 125: Chicks are smarter than guys. It's a scientific fact.